The Bitchy Resting Face Phenomenon

Just before I start – this well researched and passive article has a sexism angle so if it upsets you to read about women being prejudiced against, I suggest you go read something else. Like the label on a protein bar.

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Everyone has heard of the phenomenon known as ‘bitchy resting face’. I bet most of you know someone who has it, or perhaps you are peacefully reading my article with unintentional disgust because that’s just how your face is. I bet once a day someone will say one of the following:

What’s wrong?

Did you have a bad day at work?

Or the absolute worst….

Cheer up! Smile!

FIRST OF ALL. If you weren’t having a bad time, you are now. Some idiot has carelessly, indirectly told you that you look unhappy. Unhappy enough to warrant a comment from a stranger. Who’s the real bitch here? I don’t know how it is socially unacceptable to walk up to someone and tell them they’re ugly, but totally acceptable to walk up to them and inform that the expression on the ‘at peace’ face was making them uncomfortable enough to come up to you and ask you to change it.  I may look like a bitch however you are an actual bitch, to be perfectly candid.

Side note: I actually don’t suffer from bitchy resting face. I suffer from friendly resting face, which is a million times worse. Because while I look approachable. I really don’t want people approaching me. I would actually prefer fear to love. (I would make such a great villain).

I am writing this to every idiot who has gone up to a complete stranger and asked them to smile. You are especially worse if you said it to a girl behind the bar. I have literally heard someone say, “I’m only going to tip you if I see you smiling.” You sir. Are a dick.  Do I come to your office and shove my face in front of what is probably a stupid-drunk excel spreadsheet and say “why aren’t you smiling?” Yeah now it seems foolish. The day I walk around with a plastic-fantastic grin on my face, is that day you should actually make for the hills, because I’m about to go on a mass murder spree.  I’ll smile when I’m happy and not a moment before.

SECONDLY. Why is it that only females get this? Why do brooding males not get idiots asking them to smile? In fact, why do males get ‘brooding’ while females get ‘bitchy’? I’m sure this is present in nearly every workplace. The man gets the not-to-be-fucked-with, and the woman gets I’m-a-giant-bitch-and-therefore-unreasonable. Maybe next time you see a guy getting all frowny you should inform him he looks like a bit of a bitch, and maybe a smile wouldn’t hurt anyone. Let’s see how he reacts. Let’s see if he doesn’t reach a hand out and crush the nearest butterfly with absolute rage. God I could really use a butterfly right now.